Miss J Hunter Dunn, Miss J Hunter Dunn
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What fun we could have in Part One Chemistry
If only you offered two B's and a C.
The sight of your UCCA form made my heart swell
With its O level passes, and AS as well.
The interview ended at twenty past one
When I made you an offer, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
A Grade eight in music, and fluent in French,
You are all I could wish for you blue-stockinged wench.
I love you distractedly, please say you'll come
And be one of my students, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
Our library is splendid, the bookshop divine,
The tutors are eager, the colleges fine,
The tennis courts glint in the late evening sun.
It's all in our booklet, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
Our friendship is over, our paths are not one.
The listings from Cheltenham posted to me
Bring news that your grades are two As and a D.
Your beggings and pleadings will all be for nought,
You have failed to attain the high standard we sought,
I went over quota at twenty to one,
So sod off to clearing, Joan Hunter Dunn.
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